Ringing Forums

It might be worth asking how they like to learn or how they tackle new challenges in other parts of life.
Some people are perfectionists and hate doing anything they can’t get 100% right first time. Others like to read about it or watch a video or talk it through in detail before trying it. Some can only learn from doing but might need time in one to one sessions to feel safe about the time it takes to learn the technique. Without knowing what stage they are it’s hard to provide detailed advice but starting by asking them how they tackle learning something new at work or in sports / music etc might give you some idea of what they find difficult about getting it wrong at a bellringing practice (with the emphasis on practice, where everyone gets it wrong at least some of the time!).
I think there was something in the Ringing World a couple of years ago about how hard it can be for adult learners to enjoy learning something where they will make mistakes and struggle, somehow we forget how to be relaxed about learning by failing (and some people have always found that really hard).

Thank you Lucy.

Lucy’s point about adults being uncomfortable with things they can’t do well is true. Youngsters ‘learn things for a living’ as Phil Gay once said, but as they grow older they give up what they aren’t good at and only do things they are (reasonably) good at. For most people the last physical skill they learn is driving, in their late teens.
I remember being very frustrated and disappointed trying to learn hang gliding in my mid 30s. I expected to to be as natural as cycling but it wasn’t and I kept doing the wrong things. In the end I gave up (probably a good thing given the accident rate).
In your case I think you need to unpack what’s behind ‘I can’t do it’, which could mean two different things.
It could be if it is a simple statement that the keel ant skill/knowledge/knack is absent then the way forward is to work with them to identify what is missing and try to find explanations and exercises that could help to fill them.
Alternatively it might be an escape message, like the day I stood at the top of the hill without the courage to make a flight because I didn’t have confidence in my ability to fly safely. In your case it’s obviously not as safety fear, since he/she is willing to ring, but it could be a fear of failing to make whatever improvement step you are asking to be attempted because it feels impossible. If that is so you need to find out why and try to find a way round it or to break it down.
Either way with an adult you need to work together to find out what the problem really is. What is ‘it’ that can’t be done? Then explore the problem and find ways round it. You might need to come at it from different directions rather than straight on.
Good luck.

Thank you John

Thank you for the advice.
In case it helps people to give further advice, the lady can ring plain hunt well (by counting places), but the sticking points are: moving on to methods and acquiring ropesight.
She explains, for example, "I have too much else going on at the moment", or "I can only do things the way I can do them", or "I just want to ring for fun".
She becomes upset if I say, for example, "you were ringing too fast and so were in the wrong place when you dodged, even though you thought you were in the right place".
I guess she thinks - "I didn't want to do this anyway, but you made me do it and now you criticise me for not being able to do it".
So I guess I just have to accept that she's a volunteer, and let her do only what she wants, how she wants.
But this goes against my understanding that it is my job to develop the skills both of individual ringers and also of the band.